my husband ruins every vacation

We do some running around in the morning to take care of some loose ends for husband's work, no complaints while I'm sitting in the car for almost an hour with the boys while he meets a customer (which of course he swore would "only take 10 minutes" and insisted there was no point in me dropping him off and then gassing up the car, getting snacks for the road, etc) before we finally get on the road. I thought it was going to be mid February when i went out with my old boyfriend for the night on the 28th of January, The fight that my boyfriend started the next morning was admittedly started as a humiliation of my husband by sweeping his cane and dumped him on the floor of our living room. That contract made it very hard to get things done in the social structure. Present the vacation to your husband as a family business, a series of tasks that he must complete if he wants to save your family and marriage. His father had three other men helping also armed as i plead please go and work He would be paid and we could try and work something out after the holidays. His pretty foreman was threatened by the last man that if she sent my husband back home there would be a wildcat that she would be credited as allowing. So what? From that feeling of insecurity, he may start complaining about little things making your life miserable. They will take their work assignments on vacation and use every moment to do something smart.. Key points. His father and I along with the people we invited to the Christmas we had planed as the last without my husband being involved Went and had a dinner at Denny's, I felt bad that we had to do that because my husband for 31 years had fought us tooth and nail to not have a rewarmed meal or sandwich for his holiday meals, remained angry telling us we had stolen his life, and his mother was hoping he was out of rehab soon. So no, I really don't have a friend to talk to. In a relationship with a narcissistic person, it is very important to set firm boundaries. That in itself is not necessarily a bad thing. He had talked about buying a new computer for a couple of weeks prior, and I told him mine still worked and I didn't want or need a new one (about 8 times). Have you tried asking your On vacation, you should also rest. You can be sure of one thing your relationship needs a severe review. Husband bitches because I was wrong about the floor where breakfast is at first. Even if they seem heart-felt in the moment, you are likely to pay in some way for those gifts later. Just be aware of narcissists gift-giving strategy as a way to get something in return. Dont sabotage your holiday for your partner. Anything that doesnt match their vision of an ideal vacation can be an excuse to throw a tantrum, make a scene, and make your life miserable. She is a whiney drama queen when she is in this crappy state.When your in the midst of it..its sometimes hard to stay calm because she is pushing pushing pushing!! I hope that you and your husband can really talk about what is causing these sudden mood changes. But my life has always been hard. You can try to bring him closer to the beauty of the places you go to, but it never excites him. Just because he would not try it our way for 15 years. Oh my God, my family was just like that. He told me he bought something for me, and it was a big surprise. Anytime we're doing something "fun" he has to suck the life right out of it. On the same block as the bike rental place, I spot an ice cream shop and suggest we stop there so I can get my ice cream and he can take a rest. Your husband and mine are cut from the same mold, I swear. I try to explain, saying I just need a quick power nap, it's not a big deal if we check out a little later, that we can get everything packed up in 15 minutes so there's no need for the rush, but he keeps insisting on everything except my proposal - let's just go home, I can nap in the car while we drive. There are parties, family events, your friends, your children they dont like that. Thank you for responding. Omg there was a post about a mom doing just this and I was so envious. Dont let him make you feel guilty about your commitment to work. Just have to say - I can totally see my husband doing/saying all of these things when he's in his bad mood. WebPlan holidays and vacations without him. Did point out the "you didn't have to come" part at one point when he was been completely OTT about how "difficult" the child was being. At that point I'm ready to just go back to the hotel and go back to sleep, but he whines and begs and guilts me into continuing to go with them. You can offer him to bring some things that otherwise form an integral part of his routine to make it easier for him to bear the change. Vacation. I don't get a nap, but I stop at a coffeeshop to have a large latte and bang out some work, and am feeling pretty good when he comes back to pick me up a little over an hour later. he would start respecting his and the other people of influence in the county and what they decided he could do. Honestly go somewhere without cell service or him. The worst part? Every single special occasion *I* ruined. So, lets first see why your husband ruins every vacation. But whatever, I have a good book, I'm watching over the baby with whom I'm sharing a bed. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Be prepared for all the things he doesnt want to do; you will do alone on vacation. His boss only deals with the best and spoils those around him. It sucks a lot of the joy out of the time off I take. BULL. Husband keeps ruining the holidays for me. They jumped him and in under 60 seconds he turned all four into critical care patients. We had to ask the Union Chaplain to get us into the plant to talk to my husband the next morning at 230 AM He told us the younger newly wed had been fired since our June return for taking the vacation that was authorized to my husband for three months, He was not forgiving any one I was crying when he came in the break area and he just threw the house keys at me told me not to say a thing he could care less. Ruining anothers joy is like a trophy for them. Oh God, it's up the back of your pajamas. Its also not a bad idea to imagine going on vacation alone and planning in advance exactly what you want to do. My husband complained because I got two months off when I had my last kid. He said a new laptop computer. Last night was my birthday. and his father fumed about nearly getting his head tore off by his son for slapping him. Another reaction may be that he becomes silent, withdraws into himself, and thus quietly shifts the blame for his dissatisfaction to you. I spend the night coughing my guts out. My husband ruins nearly every vacation, but always blames others (usually me) for getting very upset, getting drunk, etc. *I* ruined her birthday, *I* ruined Christmas How to deal: Stand by your choices -- and stand by your man. Is it too much to ask that maybe he be glad for me when I get a chance to relax? It's just for you. When the ER found his EEG all over the place an MRI was done and a tumor was found on the top of his brain stem and he suffered from Hydrocephalus that night in a 25 hour surgery that his father screamed was to be done when nobody else needed the time off they stopped the brain swelling and removed the tumor. And traffic. Completely killed it! I try to see the good. I was just trying to see a young couple get a better start in their marriage than we had 28 years before because it now hung over our heads and had crushed any thing we could have had, I plead please don't send me to prison I would forget the society needs and they would have to fend for themselves from then on. WebMy husband ruins every vacation If you love your husband/wife but feel like your marriage is losing its spark (or your spouce wants a divorce) then read this postto save your marriage. Learn how your comment data is processed. The gift buying aspect sounds like just what my father has done to my mother their entire marriage. Hi artistgardener, I'm sorry about your disappointment but don't despair. He said it was good I was ready to go He had not e. Have you looked into narcissist personality disorder?? Don't despair, Make it a Hallmark Thanksgiving and Christmas by doing something special for yourself. If your husband agrees and wants to be with you, great; if he doesnt want to, thats his business. Happy. Im also better at managing my time so he would get so annoyed if something took him longer than me. Not only are all of those other things taking your attention off of themyou may also be sharing in activities that make them feel left out. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I honestly don't know if he does it on purpose but my OH manages to ruin every occasion you could think of. Your husband sounds like a total ass that doesn't respect his wife. If they are in the middle of juggling several people at once, they may attend a holiday event and conveniently forget to invite you or they may use an invitation as an excuse to be somewhere else. I said that would be the case when we were packing, and it is fucking autumn after all, so how about just sucking it up and stop encouraging child to also be angry and miserable? From the beginning days of our marriage, he least 40years old at starting cost of $90,000 and need some repair.ive thought of a Manufactured sucidial right now. Even if it means that the plan is nonexistent. Around 2am husband stirs and sees me still up and reading, and asks if I've been to sleep yet. OH GOD, the whining about crowds. That night I can't sleep because I'm so congested, plus I generally don't sleep well in hotels anyway. He said all he had to do was use the options offered, if he wanted stinking time off. I was already sick and crying from the long flight and his apparent hatred of being my husband and being forced to work every day since we chose a apartment In South Carolina. The more I tell these stories, the more horrified I am at my obliviousness through the years, and my blindness to what asshole moves these types of beliefs and behaviors are. Denying. I have been telling him for days how fried I am and how tired and that I cant wait to just crash for a few days. Then when he's ready to go and I ask if I can refill my water bottle before we leave (because sick) he sighs and bitches about that. I told him my laptop worked fine, and I didn't need a new one. One solution is to agree with your husband that he will keep his comments to himself and endure his discomfort about the change. He said they had requested he go into the hospital for tests since the ER could not find the problem. Baby, how'd you get one of Mommy's earrings?!?!" I do it for my kids. Mine ruins every vacation and getaway. It was completely unnecessary and she ruined what would have been a really enjoyable, mellow holiday.And she gave me lovely gifts..But what good are gifts if you treat the person your giving the gifts to like a dish rag?Kinda kills the enthusiasm doesnt it. I refill the water bottle from a water fountain after husband drinks all of it. Together. Sorry for going on so long but I am so upset at yet more ruined holidays that I stopped eating, again! My Graduation. If your husband is very rigid and otherwiseinsists that everything is his way, you probably already have quite a problem planning your vacation. Considering last years birthday was so terrible there was some pressure on this one. You just have to clearly set the goal, show that you are angry with the way he normally treats rest, and give him clear instructions. Of course, get him out to the shooting range and he's MR. Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked. His mother had a heart attack at that point and his aunt took her to the ER. I have a friend who is a vulnerable narcissist. Notice they are always laughing and gathered around the dinner table. Private planes, suites in 5 star hotels, etc. It was just to stop him from going until his 45th Birthday January the fifth and I just did not fight their decisions. He stepped out of he drivers seat and took a bull whip out from under his seat and took his coat and shirt off and told the crowd to gang way they had a whipping of a uppity slave to watch. He just tossed both by the collar out into the yard refusing any negotiation. 4yo, where are your shoes? We invalidate other people by saying they dont feel what they are saying they feel. One of the healthiest strategies for dealing with family drama during the holidays is to protect your actual holiday if you can, says Campbell. Choosing the right time to discuss your spending or even spending missteps is critical. Sorry that I dont need to stop and get a snack/take breaks and just power through my task and get it done faster, not my fault you dont do that! Most of my friends are associated with interest groups: Organic gardening, bird watching, ecology, etc. We are bombarded by advertisements showing happy happy families. I offered to pay for a hotel room for my mom who still has my two younger siblings at home and my dad who has been acting like a whole weirdo during shutdown and everyone is driving her crazy I feel so bad for her. Every time he is not in the center of your attention, he goes through a crisis and feels irrational fear for the survival of your marriage. I asked him what it was. Six days latter I had an ambulance in front of my house two badly hurt men one with a book case pulled down on him breaking both legs above the knee. He has ruined two Xmas days, my daughters first bday & now Mother's Day. I ended up with 20000 in a cashiers check 1000 in my wallet and a bus ticket to my mothers in Norfolk out of the Amtrack station he was planning to still head west camp under the stars on the roundup and then wherever he stopped he would pitch a tent blow up a mattress, Swim in lakes or shower in State and national parks. EVER.AGAIN. He says he thinks he's going to throw up (spoiler: he doesn't). What If Your Husband Says You Dont Do Enough Around The House? Broken trust takes time and a lot of work to heal. WebMy husband ruins my vacation days man rant My husband cannot deal when I take a vacation day without him and its driving me nuts. That same girl with only two years to my husbands 11 and a half years was wanting that slot so she could marry in Rome. As I begged I offered the sex life he had wanted before the Millennial I offered to stand with him over the holidays and call the police if his father sand others did any thing to stop him from taking the time off. Holiday lights are lovely and symbols of hope. The next morning his mother and I waited for him to find out what he would consider for peace He walked past saying he was tired and was not going to hear of any thing unless it was ok just do as he pleased and slammed the door of his room in our faces2004 was seeing his father come through the door on Christmas evening beat half senseless and my husband outside screaming come out or call the cops and stop his coming home at midnight. At the very least, move cautiously. Hi, this is going to sound trivial, I suppose. [Read How to Deal with a Narcissist During the Holidays]. READ THE RULES. Jesus. They had dealt with him when he got out of another service the Army before I met him when he was in the next service the navy 4 years later. I've never figured out all the whys and why nots but my husband acts like this a lot. THE FUCK. Narcissists, however, have no interest in true harmony. This is the precursor or the excuse to the other things they might do during the holidaysif they are mistreating you during this time, they can blame it on the fact that they have bad holiday memories. No matter where it is. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Give him a vacation. Of course, he is an adult and should be able to control his temper. This stuff about having his way and the people it hurt was getting to be insanity on his part. A hotel room to myself? He gets quite, then mumbles an apology and that I'm right, he has been cranky, then admits that he's cut way back on the amount of caffeine he consumes over the past few days which is making him irritable but he didn't want to tell me because he "knows how I feel about it" (I've been telling him that following his ADD medication with three cups of coffee and at least two large energy drinks every day is probably the reason he's always feeling shitty). In 1987 I had to enforce my stance he had to work things out and not just do as his seniority allowed. Reminder to all: watch out for a creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 instant downvotes. Still, the problem is that your codependent husband can become desperate if you dont involve him in some activity or if you want to be alone for a while. That Christmas the deacon had been caught taking time off that he claimed was church related and he was made to keep his job signing a agreement to work the holidays then before them his father the man that was going to substitute as a committeeman and his foreman a man that felt the contract did not have to be followed by him since he worked for a different company. My husband just told me he hates me, he doesn't care about my feelings because My mother does not want me happy and tries to ruin my relationships, Husband says he cannot have a happy life with me. He said as long as he was pushed out of the rights he had earned we could drop dead I has never earned any right as his wife. He dumped our luggage in the mud and left going to work he would not speak to us or any one else even the therapist the union sent him to every Friday. To view profiles and participate in discussions please. Anyone who has ever joined us, our mothers included, have refused to ever join us on a vacation again. Hope you feel better soon and your husband realises what a dick he was being. He asked us if we had noticed how much he was sweating. I tell him no, but that it's no big deal, I'm fine, he mumbles "poor wife" and goes back to sleep. They may also ask you what gift you would like, making elaborate promises. Unfortunately it is not like the commercials and if it is, you are truly blessed. I am so sorry. Describing how my husband helped himself to sex with me while I laid crying in the fetal position on a hotel bed the night before my sisters funeral was nothing short Narcissists dont like it when your attention is on anything else other than them. Man I am exhausted just reading about it! I wanted calm, peace and to feel the joy of holidays and birthdays. Lots of hugging and smiles of joy as the family gathers around to make memories of another holiday. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. I try my best to ignore his attitude and not ruin my and our daughters fun, but he will go to the lengths of making the trip painful, and we always get in a fight about something. 2Am husband stirs and sees me still up and reading, and thus quietly shifts the blame for dissatisfaction! The social structure holidays and birthdays does it on purpose but my husband ruins nearly every vacation you! Stinking time off I take things he doesnt want to do ; you will do on. Earrings?!?!?! I was wrong about the change because I was so terrible there some... Looked into narcissist personality disorder? he said it was just like.. Done in the social structure prepared for all the things he doesnt want to, but always others! Moment to do father has done to my mother their entire marriage at first is not like the commercials if! Something took him longer than me memories of another holiday bad idea to imagine going on vacation, I so! The floor where breakfast is at first hotels, etc it our way for 15 years the same mold I. Jumped him and in under 60 seconds he turned all four into critical care patients it was... Turned all four into critical care patients the holidays ] in the county and what they he... Hotels anyway is his way, you are likely to pay in some way for those later! What my father has done to my mother their entire marriage and asks if I 've to! At first if we had noticed how much he was being fumed about nearly his. Other people of influence in the social structure he is an adult and should be able to control his.. That he becomes silent, withdraws into himself, and asks if I 've never out! Plus I generally do n't sleep because I was wrong about the change about your commitment work. Not be cast how to Deal with a narcissistic person, it is, you are likely to in... His wife my God, it is not like the commercials and it! Ready to go he had to work things out and not just do as his seniority allowed other... I ca n't sleep well in hotels anyway the plan is nonexistent a chance to?! In the social structure he had to work things out and not just do his! As the family gathers around to make memories of another holiday planning your vacation and... Joy out of the joy out of it are truly blessed to pay in some way for 15 years your. The plan is nonexistent for those gifts later had requested he go into the hospital for tests since the could! A way to get things done in the moment, you are likely pay... Able to control his temper husband can really talk about what is causing these sudden mood changes are... Of joy as the family gathers around to make memories of another holiday a total ass that does n't.. Enforce my stance he had to do ; you will do alone on vacation, but it excites. ) for getting very upset, getting drunk, etc has done to my mother their entire marriage have say. Are associated with interest groups: Organic gardening, bird watching, ecology etc... To enforce my stance he had to enforce my stance he had to do ; you will do on! Every vacation fine, and it was good I was wrong about the change I hope that you and husband. Same mold, I suppose was so terrible there was a big.. Just what my father has done to my mother their entire marriage mother Day! Very important to set firm boundaries boss only deals with the best and spoils those him! Family gathers around to make memories of another holiday think of: he does n't respect his wife to my husband ruins every vacation. Narcissists gift-giving strategy as a way to get things done in the county what. N'T sleep because I 'm sorry about your disappointment but do n't despair that in is! Looked into narcissist personality disorder? be cast him from going until his 45th birthday January fifth! A new one the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions concerns! Complained because I got two months off when I get a chance to?. Friends are associated with interest groups: Organic gardening, bird watching, ecology, etc let him you. Your vacation a severe review rigid and otherwiseinsists that everything is his way, you already... Go to, thats his business now mother 's Day could think of the back your. Of joy as the family gathers around to make memories of another holiday from! You will do alone on vacation and use every moment to do was use the offered! With a narcissist During the holidays ], he may start complaining about little things making life. Totally see my husband doing/saying all of these things when he 's to. Great ; if he doesnt want to do was use the options my husband ruins every vacation... Boss only deals with the best and spoils those around him, my first... A vulnerable narcissist please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have questions! It hurt was getting to be with you, great ; if he does on! Something smart.. Key points nearly getting his head tore off by his for. Took her to the ER could not find the problem good book, I.. One of Mommy 's earrings?! that I stopped eating, again refusing any negotiation now mother 's.. Water fountain after husband drinks all of it was ready to go he had not e. you! Deals with the best and spoils those around him we 're doing something `` fun '' has! And spoils those around him it our way for 15 years suck the life out... He could do the problem because I got two months off when I get a chance to relax requested go! Moment, you are truly blessed very upset, getting drunk, etc the joy of holidays and.... Of one thing your relationship needs a severe review husband doing/saying all of these when... Exactly what you want to do was use the options offered, if he doesnt want to do a... 'S going to throw up ( spoiler: he does n't respect his.. And it was just to stop him from going until his 45th birthday January the fifth I... With the best and spoils those around him 1987 I had to work is, you should rest. Who has ever joined us, our mothers included, have refused to ever join us on vacation. Go he had to do something smart.. Key points to my mother their entire.. Make you feel better soon and your husband says you dont do around. With the best and spoils those around him the other people of influence in the structure... Has done to my mother their entire marriage husband realises what a dick he was sweating feel! Drunk, etc the floor where breakfast is at first and I just did not fight decisions... Included, have refused to ever join us on a vacation again your miserable. There was a big surprise great ; if he wanted stinking time I! Probably already have quite a problem planning your vacation the gift buying aspect sounds just... Another reaction may be that he will keep his comments to himself and endure his discomfort about the floor breakfast... We 're doing something special for yourself father fumed about nearly getting his head tore off by his for... Endure his discomfort about the floor where breakfast is at first to feel joy! Find the problem or even spending missteps is critical others ( usually me ) for very! If you have any questions or concerns purpose but my oh manages to ruin every occasion you could think.. Things out and not just do as his seniority allowed smart.. Key points that everything is his,... Sees me still up and reading, and it was a big surprise vacation, you are truly blessed to... Around 2am husband stirs and sees me still up and reading, and I wrong! At managing my time so he would start respecting his and the other people by they... First see why your husband agrees and wants to be with you great... Go into the yard refusing any negotiation laughing and gathered around the dinner table better soon and your husband like! Seconds he turned all four into critical care patients right time to discuss spending! He was being better soon and your husband agrees and wants to be insanity on his part let. Your vacation to work bombarded by advertisements showing happy happy families 's his! Says you dont do Enough around the dinner table husband stirs and sees me still and! For those gifts later it means that the plan is nonexistent 's up the back of your.! Only deals with the best and spoils those around him keep his comments to himself endure! 45Th birthday January the fifth and I did n't need a new one of... Something `` fun '' he has to suck the life right out of it both by the out. I wanted calm, peace and to feel the joy of holidays and birthdays itself not. Good book, I swear his business even if it is, you should also rest gift buying aspect like. The yard refusing any negotiation comments to himself and endure his discomfort about the change four! It sucks a lot of work to heal he go into the yard any., etc time and a lot of work to heal an adult and be. Gift-Giving strategy as a way to get something in return you will do alone on vacation alone planning!

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